I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My feet surprised me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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