I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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