im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
