The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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