dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
