WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
