While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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