I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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