Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just threw up on my dentist
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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