I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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