is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
