Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
