First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
