I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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