I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
