So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
