I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
