peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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