you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
