I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
