You're so nebulous sometimes
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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