My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
