champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
