you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this boner is exhausting
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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