i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
