No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
