help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Green mimosas i think yes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
