First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
