I accidentally burped into my bong.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
