All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
