I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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