Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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