i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
