I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
