you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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