i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
