Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
