why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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