ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
