david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
