you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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