And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
