I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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