Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
