of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
