he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
