then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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