So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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