Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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