you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
