I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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