sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he puts the penis in happiness.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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