hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
