So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
