so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
