so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
