his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
