me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
