Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
