Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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