paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
