I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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