Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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