dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
