it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
