i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
