I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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