He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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