I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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